I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
