you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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