1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Someone shit on the floor
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
FUCK WHALES
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
