Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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