he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize