I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
