She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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