Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
