see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
