thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
