No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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