I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
