i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
