forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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