My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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