I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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