Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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