I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
