You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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