I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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