i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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