I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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