so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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