she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
