If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
