she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
