Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
