I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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