ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
