Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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