We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
