The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
