I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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