Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
