so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
