Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
