If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize