definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
