Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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