I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
