This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
