dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize