beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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