i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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