Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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