Porn is love you can see.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
