And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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