as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
