I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
