i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
