google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
