She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
