i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
