my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This toilet bowl is my home.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
