it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
