I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this boner is exhausting
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
