Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
