If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
