Small penises have feelings too.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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