I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
do herpes really smell.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
