She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
