What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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